Red Velvet Cake

This cake is irresistible!  I've had it for my birthday since I can last remember and I made a little tweaks for the frosting since my dad gave me the recipe.  It wont last more than a few days, I promise.  However, I suggest hitting the gym often!  I wont get an A+ for presentation, but lemme know what your tummy thinks!


Cake
1 1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup shortening
2 eggs
2 oz (1/4 cup) red cake coloring
2 tsp cocoa
2 tsp vanilla
1 tbsp vinegar
1 tsp salt
1 tsp soda
1 cup buttermilk
2 1/2 cup flour

Make a paste of cake coloring, cocoa, and sugar mixture.  Sift flour and salt together and add to sugar mixture with buttermilk, eggs, shortening, and vanilla.  Mix ingredients with a mixer.  Stir in vinegar and soda by hand (don't beat).  Bake in 2 greased and floured layer pans at 350 degrees for 20-30 minutes.  Cool.

Note:  Shave off the top of the bottom cake to allow for a flat surface for top cake to sit on.  Apply icing(below) in between cakes for a layered effect.
Note:  4 layers can be made by halving layers with a string or thread.

Cream Cheese Frosting

1 pound (2 small packages) cream cheese, softened

1 small box (about 4 cups) sifted confectioners' sugar

2 sticks unsalted butter (1 cup), softened

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

In a bowl, mix the cream cheese, sugar, and butter on low speed. Increase the speed to high, and mix until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. (Occasionally scrape down sides to get all the sugar mixed with a spatula)

Reduce the speed of the mixer to low. Add the vanilla, raise the speed to high and mix briefly until fluffy (scrape down the bowl occasionally). Store in the refrigerator until somewhat stiff, before using. 

Creamy Smashed Potatoes

Everyone who cooks knows how to make home made mashed potatoes. At least I hope. The art is simple. Boil potatoes, mash, spice, and serve. However, here is the route I like to approach.

Recipe will depend on the amount of people you are serving, so I will be general here. And you can stick to one type of potato, but I like to experiment. My favorite is as follows:

A few red potatoes
A few Idaho brown potatoes
A few Yukon gold potatoes
Butter
Garlic
Black Pepper
Sour Cream or Buttermilk

Skin and slice potatoes into small pieces for quick cooking. Heat stove on medium, boil and cover until soft enough to stick a fork through with ease.

Mash with a spoon or fork, but leave some chunkiness. Everyone likes a little chunkiness :D

Add butter, seasoning to taste, and either sour cream or buttermilk as you see fit. Both provide the same consistency and are equally yummy. Whip up until you are satisfied with the way it looks. Go with your gut on this one. If it looks good, smells good, it probably is ______! Tip: Can never have enough butter or garlic!

Advanced cookers: Add sauteed diced onions, cheese, or bacon bits(real ones, cooked - don't ruin a meal with some phony salad shaker crap), or for the health conscious, you can use the same recipe with cauliflower. However, nothing is low calorie when you include bacon, butter, and sour cream - You always have turkey bacon, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, and fat-free sour cream! But where's the fun in that shit?

Pork Tenderloin and Red Pepper Ranch Sauce

Pork tenderloin... One of the easiest and palate pleasing meals you can make.

2 pork tenderloins (1 pound each)
Lawry's seasoning salt
Garlic powder
Worcestershire Sauce
1 small yellow onion
Olive oil
1 jar roasted red peppers, drained
3/4 cup sour cream
1 packet Hidden Valley Ranch Salad Dressing & Seasoning Mix

In a skillet, heat about a tablespoon of the oil over a medium heat. Add the onions and cook until onions have browned. Stir in the red peppers, and sour cream, and continue to cook stirring until heated through. Put mixture in a blender or food processor. Add the seasoning mixture and process until smooth.

Light yo grill!!

Add Lawry's seasoning salt, garlic powder, and a little Worcestershire for good taste. Grill the pork for 5 to 7 minutes on each side until medium rare.

Let meat rest for 5 minutes covered before slicing. Serve the sauce over the sliced tenderloin.

Oriental Salad

Another great party favorite.

1 head of green cabbage, shredded (use food processor if possible)
10 green onions, chopped
1 stick butter (may use less)
2 pkg Ramen noodles with chicken seasoning, break up finely
½ c sunflower seeds, salted and roasted  (OR PEANUTS)
1-1/2 cups slivered almonds

Dressing:
½ cup canola oil
¾ cup sugar
1 Tbsp soy sauce
½ cup vinegar

Shred cabbage and chop onions. Store in baggie until ready to mix with other ingredients.  I lightly chop the almonds in the food processor prior.  If using peanuts, you'll definitely need to do this step, else the sunflower seeds are perfect size to not need to chop up.  Make sure not to chop them too fine, or else they'll turn into a powder and you'll soak up all the butter.

Melt butter in large skillet.  Add soup base from Ramen package and sauté almonds first (and peanuts), then add sunflower seeds and crushed Ramen noodles until mixture is lightly browned. Let cool on paper towels to absorb some of the excess butter. Store the crunchies in a baggie until ready to mix.
Mix dressing ingredients together until sugar is dissolved.
Toss all together when ready to serve. Leftover salad may be eaten the next day.



Hint: Before mixing, divide the cabbage, crunchies and dressing into smaller portions and mix only what you want to eat at one time. That way, the salad lasts for many days.

Broccoli Casserole

This is a long time love of mine. A recipe I've been using for a long long time. This is a must if making a large meal for people. And certainly a winner!!!

2 -10 oz pkg frozen chopped broccoli (cook, season, and drain)
1 cup golden mushroom soup
2 eggs beaten
1 cup mayo
1 cup sharp cheddar cheese, grated
1 med onion, chopped
1 stick butter

Melt butter and sauté onion until lightly brown. Fold all ingredients into a mixing bowl and pour into a casserole dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes.

Mustard Green Beans

It doesn't take a genius to Google search that green beans, in fact, do increase your libido. What makes it increase even more, is the addition of man's favorite food, bacon..

The greatest thing about cooking is making a recipe your own. Feel free to add stuff that you really like to see if it works. Last week I added diced onions to the mix, and it turned out great!! I don't use measuring cups unless I'm following a recipe. Go with your hearts decision on the amount of each ingredient you use. You know what you like, MAKE IT YOUR OWN!

What you'll need:

1 package of bacon
1 large can of FRENCH CUT green beans
Bottle of mustard
Bottle of honey
Olive Oil

1. Start by frying as many slices of bacon as you'd like to put into your green beans. For one large can of green beans, I typically use 5-6 slices of bacon. Fry bacon until crispy (you will be crushing them over your beans later). Save the bacon fat!!

2. Boil the french cut green beans for a bit until tender. Drain.

3. Fry green beans in bacon fat until you get the desired color - I like mine to be dark green with a little bit of brown.

4. Crush up fried bacon to bits once cooled. Add to fried green beans and mix.

5. Get a small mixing bowl and mix a small amount of honey and mustard together. Total of both shouldn't exceed 1/4 cup for a single batch. If you like spicy, add more mustard than honey. If sweet, the opposite. Pour over green beans a little at a time. Don't want to overpower your beans with sauce. You'll know the perfect amount when you see it. Imagine looking at this concoction. Imagine if someone put it in front of you and said eat it. How would you like it to be? That's how you should cook it!

Fall off the bone ribs

Ribs are simple. Key to making good ribs is seasoning, patience, and a strong Jack and Coke.

Buy one slab of ribs.

Seasoning:
I have two that I use frequently...

Easy way - Buy Goyo Mojo marinade, soak ribs to season a few hours (longer the better)

Kinda easy way - Worcestershire Sauce, garlic, pepper, vinegar, *MSG*, Lawry's Seasoning Salt. Season it with these as you'd season your steak. Don't go heavy on the salt, MSG, or vinegar. You will not like how this turns out. Leave to season a few hours (longer the better).

Cooking:

Heat grill to medium-hot. Brown ribs to the color you'd like. The picture I've posted is about how I cook them to before the next steps.

Grab tin foil. Cut yourself off a big sheet. Lay ribs down, BONE SIDE DOWN, MEAT SIDE UP!!!! You will burn your ribs if you do not follow this step. Lay the ribs down and be careful not to puncture the tin foil or else you will lose your liquid. Pour in a mixture of whatever seasoning you used to marinate the ribs to begin with. If you went the 'Kinda easy way', make sure to add about half water to your concoction or else you ribs will taste funny due to the excess Worcestershire and vinegar. You will want a good amount of liquid beneath the ribs, as you will sort of be boiling them now. A 1/4 to 1/2 inch liquid base should do. Wrap tin foil TIGHTLY around ribs to reduce the escape of the steam, but be careful not to punch holes!! Turn grill down to low heat and continue cooking ribs wrapped in tin foil for a few hours. You'll know when they are ready when you peak in and see that the meat is shrinking up on the ribs. Then you're done. Should fall off the bone if you've followed my steps.

You can, if you'd like, proceed to pull the ribs from the tin foil, lather a slew of BBQ sauce on and grill a bit more. In my experience, the ribs will taste great without the sauce. Also, the ribs are very hard to manage once they are falling off the bone, so it becomes a pain in the ass. (That's what she said!)

Enjoy!